...or rather, how I live MY life. Some of these may not resonate with you, but I have found that living this way makes me happy and keeps my head clear.
1. Find ways to connect to your spirit every day.
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns . If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety . If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of advice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Get enough rest.
17. Eat right.
18. Get organized so everything has its place.
19. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
20. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
21. Every day, find time to be alone.
22. Make friends with Godly people.
23. Laugh.
24. Laugh some more!
25. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most).
26. Slow down.
27. If you like something about someone, tell them.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
It is never ok to discount your feelings or experiences.
From The DailyOM: Universal Feelings
Every day we hear stories of personal suffering and loss that far exceed our own. When we compare our situations to those of people living in war-torn countries or those who have lost their homes and livelihoods to natural disasters, it is tempting to minimize our own experiences of suffering. We may feel that we don’t have a right to be upset about the breakup of a relationship, for example, because at least we have food to eat and a roof over our heads.
While awareness of the pain of others in the world can be a valuable way to keep our own struggles in perspective, it is not a legitimate reason to disregard our own pain. Disparaging your feelings as being less important than other people's emotions leads to denial and repression. Over time, an unwillingness to experience your own feelings leads to numbness. It is as if our internal systems become clogged with our unexpressed emotions. This in no way helps other people who are suffering in the world. In fact, it may do just the opposite because when we devalue our own sorrow, we become impervious to the sorrow in others.
Fully experiencing our own hurt is the gateway to compassion toward other human beings. Feelings of loss, abandonment, loneliness, and fear are universal, and, in that sense, all feelings are created equal. Regardless of what leads us to feel the way we do, our comprehension of what it means to be human is deepened by our own experiences. Our personal lives provide us with the material we need to become fully conscious. If we reject our emotions because we think our experiences are not dramatic or important enough, we are missing out on our own humanity. We honor and value the human condition when we fully inhabit our bodies so we can experience and feel life fully. Accepting our emotions and allowing ourselves to feel them connects us to all human beings. Then, when we hear the stories of other people’s suffering, our hearts can resonate with understanding and compassion—for all of us.
---------------------------------------
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Every day we hear stories of personal suffering and loss that far exceed our own. When we compare our situations to those of people living in war-torn countries or those who have lost their homes and livelihoods to natural disasters, it is tempting to minimize our own experiences of suffering. We may feel that we don’t have a right to be upset about the breakup of a relationship, for example, because at least we have food to eat and a roof over our heads.
While awareness of the pain of others in the world can be a valuable way to keep our own struggles in perspective, it is not a legitimate reason to disregard our own pain. Disparaging your feelings as being less important than other people's emotions leads to denial and repression. Over time, an unwillingness to experience your own feelings leads to numbness. It is as if our internal systems become clogged with our unexpressed emotions. This in no way helps other people who are suffering in the world. In fact, it may do just the opposite because when we devalue our own sorrow, we become impervious to the sorrow in others.
Fully experiencing our own hurt is the gateway to compassion toward other human beings. Feelings of loss, abandonment, loneliness, and fear are universal, and, in that sense, all feelings are created equal. Regardless of what leads us to feel the way we do, our comprehension of what it means to be human is deepened by our own experiences. Our personal lives provide us with the material we need to become fully conscious. If we reject our emotions because we think our experiences are not dramatic or important enough, we are missing out on our own humanity. We honor and value the human condition when we fully inhabit our bodies so we can experience and feel life fully. Accepting our emotions and allowing ourselves to feel them connects us to all human beings. Then, when we hear the stories of other people’s suffering, our hearts can resonate with understanding and compassion—for all of us.
---------------------------------------
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
If you want to be happy, be.
Some inspirational quotes that made me feel good today!
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The Devil Made Me Do It
This blog made me laugh today. I've been writing my ebook on the Self Help Jungle and this help to keep me lighthearted and not-so-serious!
http://retiredat21.com/self-improvement-advice-from-the-devil/
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
http://retiredat21.com/self-improvement-advice-from-the-devil/
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Boredom Rocks
I'm always excited when I see articles that help me reclaim something that I usually beat myself up about. Here's an article on Boredom.
Personally I like it when I feel bored (even if I do beat myself up about it when it happens). It's usually a temporary feeling that allows me to do a litmus test in my brain. I scan the possible things I could do and whatever my heart jumps for, I know is good. It's fun to observe the things that I'm interested in in that moment. For instance, cleaning the fridge might be very exciting to me when I'm bored rather than when my plate is full. You just never know where you'll end up when you're bored. Find a way to be with it rather than struggling to accomplish something, no matter how long the feeling lasts. Eventually you'll discover the things you want to do. It's like a clean slate or a pausing of Life.
___________________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Personally I like it when I feel bored (even if I do beat myself up about it when it happens). It's usually a temporary feeling that allows me to do a litmus test in my brain. I scan the possible things I could do and whatever my heart jumps for, I know is good. It's fun to observe the things that I'm interested in in that moment. For instance, cleaning the fridge might be very exciting to me when I'm bored rather than when my plate is full. You just never know where you'll end up when you're bored. Find a way to be with it rather than struggling to accomplish something, no matter how long the feeling lasts. Eventually you'll discover the things you want to do. It's like a clean slate or a pausing of Life.
___________________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Friday, September 12, 2008
The Freedom of Disappointment
I was on my yoga mat yesterday (doing yoga...) feeling really connected to myself, having a blank mind and an open heart and this message fell into my heart:
"Write about how being a disappointment to others frees you up to be yourself."
I love inspired moments like that. It's been 15 hours since that idea was planted and my fear-mind has taken over saying "being a disappointment isn't a good thing, don't write about that, people will come out of the woodwork and tell you how wrong you are."
But there is some truth in the idea.
If you're like me, you care a lot about what people think about you, to the point of almost forgoing what you think about yourself. I've worked most of my life to make sure people like me and that my friends love me. I've wasted A LOT of energy trying to keep people in my life.
Anytime I lost a friendship, it was devastating to me, naturally. I took it very much to heart and blamed myself for not being the kind of friend they needed me to be. Again, energy waster, all in the hopes of keeping people happy. If someone hated me, it felt like I didn't deserve to be alive. It was a hole of dispair I could never crawl out of and I did everything to never be in that hole.
In the past 3 years I've lost three friends because I stood up for myself, or created a boundary, or chose myself over them. I got a lot of negativity thrown in my face, naturally. It hurt deeply.
Sometimes you have to disappoint other people in order to get back to yourself. It's crucial. I never wanted to lose friendships, but I had to in order to keep myself.
I am just now learning to experience the freedom of disappointing people. And there is a freedom in it, it means fully embracing who I really am and being that person full-out regardless of whether people agree with it or not. It is so freeing to be myself and to have compassion for all that I am! I almost look forward to those moments when someone is disappointed in me because it means I've kept true to myself rather than to what other people want me to be. There's so much more energy available when I am true to myself. Coming from someone who's been a people pleaser for a long time, it is liberating and scary to come into my own.
While I'm not going to go out of my way to make people dislike me, and it will still sting when someone doesn't agree with my choices, I'm going to continue to honor myself first and live free rather than keep the peace and slowly lose who I am.
It's a risky process, y'all!
______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
"Write about how being a disappointment to others frees you up to be yourself."
I love inspired moments like that. It's been 15 hours since that idea was planted and my fear-mind has taken over saying "being a disappointment isn't a good thing, don't write about that, people will come out of the woodwork and tell you how wrong you are."
But there is some truth in the idea.
If you're like me, you care a lot about what people think about you, to the point of almost forgoing what you think about yourself. I've worked most of my life to make sure people like me and that my friends love me. I've wasted A LOT of energy trying to keep people in my life.
Anytime I lost a friendship, it was devastating to me, naturally. I took it very much to heart and blamed myself for not being the kind of friend they needed me to be. Again, energy waster, all in the hopes of keeping people happy. If someone hated me, it felt like I didn't deserve to be alive. It was a hole of dispair I could never crawl out of and I did everything to never be in that hole.
In the past 3 years I've lost three friends because I stood up for myself, or created a boundary, or chose myself over them. I got a lot of negativity thrown in my face, naturally. It hurt deeply.
Sometimes you have to disappoint other people in order to get back to yourself. It's crucial. I never wanted to lose friendships, but I had to in order to keep myself.
I am just now learning to experience the freedom of disappointing people. And there is a freedom in it, it means fully embracing who I really am and being that person full-out regardless of whether people agree with it or not. It is so freeing to be myself and to have compassion for all that I am! I almost look forward to those moments when someone is disappointed in me because it means I've kept true to myself rather than to what other people want me to be. There's so much more energy available when I am true to myself. Coming from someone who's been a people pleaser for a long time, it is liberating and scary to come into my own.
While I'm not going to go out of my way to make people dislike me, and it will still sting when someone doesn't agree with my choices, I'm going to continue to honor myself first and live free rather than keep the peace and slowly lose who I am.
It's a risky process, y'all!
______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Shhh...Listen...
My best friend is a very engaging person. She has a huge heart and expresses herself very well. She is a wonderful speaker and I love to hear what she has to say. But what I love most about my loquacious friend is she is the best listener. I know a lot of people and I trust a few of them with my thoughts, feelings and general craziness, but many people don't offer the kind of listening my best friend gives.
She listens without judgment.
As a personal life coach, I learned to listen without judgment, without putting my own agenda or ego into what another person is saying. It is a very difficult thing to do, to let someone speak, to let them talk about things they are doing that you would never do, and just let them say it. There are of course limits: if someone is truly hurting themselves, then speaking out of concern is necessary. But it's a gift to find someone who will listen without prejudice; someone who will let you live your life without putting their own agenda on you or telling you what you need to do (unless you ask, of course!).
Another aspect of being a good listener is how you respond as someone is speaking. Are you busy waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say something? You're not listening and you are making the conversation about you rather than you and the other person. Are you looking around or doing other things while someone is talking? You're not listening. Yes, there are times when it's okay to focus on other things, but if someone is confiding in you, then eye contact and full attention can distinguish a bad listener from a good one. When you turn your attention to other things while someone is talking, it looks like you don't care (even if you do). If your body is facing a different direction or if you aren't making eye contact with the speaker, you might as well just walk away because your body language is saying "You're not important to me."
The gifts of being a good listener are you get to know someone better, you get to learn about another human being's journey, you get to share in someone else's experience. If you're a good listener, you probably have very deep relationships with people who trust you and who readily share themselves with you.
How do you become a better listener? Do just that: listen. Listen without thinking about what to say next. This is a risk for some people because once the other person stops talking, what if you don't have anything to say? Silence between two people can be scary. If you are going to say something afterwards, let it be in the spirit of sharing, of connecting, rather than forcing words out for no reason. Another way to become a good listener is to learn to honor that what the other person is saying is from their perspective, their life experiences. Let them have their perspective and experiences, no matter what yours are. Everyone is unique, everyone experiences the world differently. Honor their perspective, there are many fascinating ways to look at things! Challenge yourself to be more of a listener in your life and just see what happens.
Another great tip to being a good listener is to ask questions about the other person. This is a GREAT strategy for us shy folks at parties, especially when you might be around a lot of people you don't know. Ask questions; have some standards in the back of your mind to break the ice. Become interested in people in general, your sincerity in asking questions will go a long way. People LOVE to talk about themselves. Some people, like me, are shy in opening up, but will readily answer questions if someone asks.
People who ask questions are far more interesting than those who talk about themselves, I don't care how cool their stories are. At the end of the day, you'll connect with the person who asks you questions rather than the person who talks TO you.
You'll look like a hero in your own circle of friends if you hone your listening skills. You'll gain more trust in people, which can take you to wonderful places!
______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
She listens without judgment.
As a personal life coach, I learned to listen without judgment, without putting my own agenda or ego into what another person is saying. It is a very difficult thing to do, to let someone speak, to let them talk about things they are doing that you would never do, and just let them say it. There are of course limits: if someone is truly hurting themselves, then speaking out of concern is necessary. But it's a gift to find someone who will listen without prejudice; someone who will let you live your life without putting their own agenda on you or telling you what you need to do (unless you ask, of course!).
Another aspect of being a good listener is how you respond as someone is speaking. Are you busy waiting for the other person to stop talking so you can say something? You're not listening and you are making the conversation about you rather than you and the other person. Are you looking around or doing other things while someone is talking? You're not listening. Yes, there are times when it's okay to focus on other things, but if someone is confiding in you, then eye contact and full attention can distinguish a bad listener from a good one. When you turn your attention to other things while someone is talking, it looks like you don't care (even if you do). If your body is facing a different direction or if you aren't making eye contact with the speaker, you might as well just walk away because your body language is saying "You're not important to me."
The gifts of being a good listener are you get to know someone better, you get to learn about another human being's journey, you get to share in someone else's experience. If you're a good listener, you probably have very deep relationships with people who trust you and who readily share themselves with you.
How do you become a better listener? Do just that: listen. Listen without thinking about what to say next. This is a risk for some people because once the other person stops talking, what if you don't have anything to say? Silence between two people can be scary. If you are going to say something afterwards, let it be in the spirit of sharing, of connecting, rather than forcing words out for no reason. Another way to become a good listener is to learn to honor that what the other person is saying is from their perspective, their life experiences. Let them have their perspective and experiences, no matter what yours are. Everyone is unique, everyone experiences the world differently. Honor their perspective, there are many fascinating ways to look at things! Challenge yourself to be more of a listener in your life and just see what happens.
Another great tip to being a good listener is to ask questions about the other person. This is a GREAT strategy for us shy folks at parties, especially when you might be around a lot of people you don't know. Ask questions; have some standards in the back of your mind to break the ice. Become interested in people in general, your sincerity in asking questions will go a long way. People LOVE to talk about themselves. Some people, like me, are shy in opening up, but will readily answer questions if someone asks.
People who ask questions are far more interesting than those who talk about themselves, I don't care how cool their stories are. At the end of the day, you'll connect with the person who asks you questions rather than the person who talks TO you.
You'll look like a hero in your own circle of friends if you hone your listening skills. You'll gain more trust in people, which can take you to wonderful places!
______________________________________
Take my free mini course for some invaluable self improvement advice.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
